My husband has also been pushing for starting a family. He wants a baby yesterday. Realistically once I start having kids, where is my career going to fit? I don't think I could be a stay at home mom permanently but I think when my kids are little I'll want to be at home. I could be out of the workplace for a few years. What job opportunities will be there when I'm ready to come back? I don't know if I could have a job like mine part-time either.
Aside from the job worries, am I ready to be responsible for another human being? Its a little terrifying for me to even think about. Part of it has to do with just worrying about if I'll be a good parent. Me and my brothers all turned out SO different and struggled with very different things in life. One of my brothers is battling schizophrenia and anger issues combined with unfounded entitlement. He has no job, no goals in life, continually blames other people for his misfortune and my parents still pay for everything with him. My other brother battled with drug and alcohol addiction for almost a decade before turning his life around. And my other brother became a spinal surgeon. What a crap shoot life is. Is it my parents fault that we all turned out differently or just our personalities/personal preferences that made things so different? Maybe a combination of the two. But when I think about having my own kids or look at my adorable, innocent nieces, I can't imagine them dealing with mental illness, drug addiction and the likes. I don't want them to even think about much less experience anything like it.
I'm slowly realizing that we can't really plan out life and trying to calm myself down before I decide I need to move across the world and never have any children for fear they will end up screwed up. Its a silly thing to think that by the time you are 30, your life will be perfect. But its a great way to take some time to review what your life has become and where its going.
My new potential ideas/goals:
- Volunteer more and get more involved in the grassroots organizations that drove me to get my MPH.
- Career wise, take a serious look at where I'm going and potentially start an event planning business that might be able to work when we decide to have kids.
- As for starting a family, I hear that something just turns on inside of you and you are ready one day. For now, I'll comfort myself with that and say that when I'm ready for babies, I'll just know.
- Calm down, relax and enjoy life.