August 15, 2011

Pregosaurus Attacks

I know its been weeks since I've posted.  I really want to get better at consistent blogging but I honestly sometimes just feel boring.  I feel sometimes like nothing I am writing or thinking of writing is new or original.  It probably has already been written before and more eloquently than I can say it.  I guess this is my blog though and I can only write about what I know so here we go....

I'm 24 weeks pregnant today!  This is a huge milestone for me - one I honestly wasn't sure that I would make back when I was only in my first trimester.  At this point in my pregnancy, my baby is medically viable and if anything bad were to happen, they would try and save this little boy or girl.  The lines are a little blurred here and some hospitals have saved babies as early as 21/22 weeks but I'm just happy that I've made it to the well known 24 week mark.  Don't get me wrong baby - you stay in there and grow (my early first trimester mantra was "grow baby grow")- but this does bring some kind of relief.  After having two miscarriages, I can finally recognize that this pregnancy is different.  This is one strong little guy or girl and I believe in the baby and my body.  So far, the best feeling in the world has been feeling the little one kick.  There is nothing quite so reassuring and wonderful as feeling those little kicks, pokes and turns.  I'm sure I'll be singing a different song towards the end of pregnancy when the baby is rearranging my insides and its uncomfortable.  But for now, I'm blissfully happy when I feel those movements.  It makes me feel like we have a little secret together and are already sharing moments together.

So clearly I am pretty damn happy and grateful for this pregnancy.  But oh my god my hormones are insane.  I am a mercurial monster and honestly frequently feel like I could laugh, cry and scream with rage all at the same time.  Tonight for example, I lost  my shit on my husband who brought home a not ripe avocado.  Seriously just lost it and basically threw a tantrum.  It was sort of integral to our dinner but really did not deserve my reaction. Pregnant bitches be crazy.  The funny thing is that at the time I totally recognize that I am being insane but I just cannot get a grip. I call  myself pregosaurus because of my hormones and because I eat food with gusto these days.

Plus I feel like a fat monster.  I know I'm pregnant and I'm supposed to gain weight blah blah.  It is just hard to feel attractive these days.  Feeling ugly and laziness have stopped me from taking prego pictures.  I really wanted to be one of those cute women that takes weekly pictures and has everything documented.  I just can't get it together in the morning since I am perpetually late.  And at night the last thing I want to do is take a picture of myself.  I did it though at 22 weeks on my iphone so one of my fellow prego friends could see what the bump looked like. Excuse the crappy quality - my husband was on call and I'm not good at taking my own picture.

Sorry for the long boring post.  I will try my hardest to keep writing and hopefully it won't all be prego related.
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