Weird Dreams and Random Thoughts

I'm all in a funk today because I had some weirdo dreams last night. I think most women who are TTC (trying to conceive) feel that the two weeks of wait for your period are agonizing. I start to freak out and think every little thing I feel could be a pregnancy symptom. Clearly pregnancyis on the brain (among other things) because last night I had a dream that I was pregnant and also that Anthony Bourdain and some woman were pregnant too. Oh and we were all hanging out at one of my nieces birthday parties. I think its because I was watching an episode of No Reservations where he goes to Syria that was particularly weird. Either way I need to get a life and get distracted fast because I'm driving myself bananas.

Image

On another note - did you see Clemence Poesy in Marie Claire? Its featured on Who What Wear's Blog and I love the styling and her hair is incredible.

Above three images via Who What Wear

Also, I wish I could make a fishtail braid like Minka Kelly and actually rock it without feeling like I was back in 5th grade. What? Didn't your mom do a fishtail braid that went all the way across your head too? Awesome.

Image via people.com

Weird Dreams and Random Thoughts

Women, Leadership and Success

I just found this video (see below) of Facebook's Chief Operating Office, Sheryl Sandburg, giving a talk on why we have too few women leaders. The statistics she provides on women in leadership positions is disappointing. As a woman in a challenging business environment who is also thinking about having kids soon, this video really hit home and made me feel inspired.

The key thoughts of her speech are:

1. Sit at the Table - She makes the point that women often underestimate themselves, attribute their success to outside factors and aren't as confident and self assured as men. She provides examples such as 57% of men negotiate their first salary out of college, while only 7% of women do the same. I know that I didn't negotiate my salary much with my first job and didn't at all with my second job. After discussions with my male coworkers (I happen to work with mostly men), they all said they really negotiated and weren't afraid to be rejected. A potentially costly lesson learned for myself. She also talks about how women who are driven can often be viewed in a negative light when compared to male counterparts. She references an Harvard Business School case study on a successful venture capitalist who happened be a woman (Heide Roizen) and how when the name was changed from Heide to Howard, the students at HBS perceived the success very differently. While I don't think that women are always perceived in a negative light when they push to be successful and are competitive, I do think it happens fairly often. It may be subconscious on some level, but I've been in many situations over the years where I've seen this type of behavior. Where men and women behave in similar manners and the woman's actions and speech are considered "bitchy" and "pushy" while men are considered "authoritative" and "no nonsense". I put those in quotes because my coworker once actually said those things after a meeting and he's generally a very open and intelligent person. I don't think this is just the male perception either, I think women feel that way towards other women a lot of times.

2. Make Your Partner a Partner - Sandberg speaks of the common theme of women taking on "twice the amount of housework", and "three times the amount of childcare" compared to the man. She doesn't simplify the cause and doesn't deep dive into it but does talk about how as a society we put more pressure on boys to succeed than our girls. Also when men do decide to work from home, Mom's often don't know how to interact with them and tend to shun them. She encourages us to "make it as important a job to work inside the home for both genders if we are going to even things out and have women stay in workforce". I couldn't agree more with that sentiment. We don't even have kids now and I tend to feel pressure (self imposed) to do more of the household duties, to "take care" of my husband and the people around me and to keep a beautiful home. To clarify my husband helps out a lot around the house and I actually came home from work yesterday to find him cooking me a homemade Indian dinner AND he even did the dishes (we usually rotate - if you cook, the other cleans up)! Its honestly all in my head and I have to say that I do take pride and put pressure on myself to be a great cook and to maintain a clean and stylish home. Plus if stress relief weren't enough, Sandberg mentions that people with equal responsibilities and equal earning tend to have half the divorce rate and a better sex life.

3. Don't Leave Before You Leave - This final point emphasizes that women often tend to "lean back" and stop looking for a promotion and ways to get ahead when they think about/have a child. They start to wonder how they can fit taking care of a child into everything else they are doing and so they stop trying to get ahead in their career. I can honestly say that I have thought about that a lot lately. How could I possibly continue with my career when I travel so frequently and work such long hours? How can I scale back instead of how can I get ahead. Sandberg points out that the problem with this is that when you do have children, your job should be rewarding, challenging and make a difference. Otherwise you are less likely to come back or want to leave your kid(s) at home. Essentially the message is to just keep swimming or keep your foot on the gas pedal.

Watch the video below - I promise the 15 minutes is well worth your time...

Women, Leadership and Success

Life on...

Lots of things have been happening and I just totally dropped the ball on reverb. No surprise there I guess. As soon as I told my friend, N, that I was gonna do it she couldn't stop laughing. She pointed out that I was traveling to Minnesota for work, coming back and leaving for Hawaii with 19 other family members for a week, then had friends visiting for new years and more friends staying for another week. Not to mention I was already behind a week. New goal - set realistic goals! Haha.

Also a huge thank you to all my readers who left such sweet comments about my last post. It felt strange putting so many personal things out there and all those comments made me feel so loved.

So the long absence was partly due to all the madness I mentioned up there. Hawaii was incredible and the first time my entire family (parents and all 3 brothers) have taken a trip together in about 15 years! New years was perfect and low key. We had our close friends from college over and just hung out, drank and played Spot It. Spot it is the BEST card game ever. It seems really simple and kinda silly but its so much fun to play (especially when drinking). I highly recommend picking it up. Also I made this ridiculous cake and it turned out perfectly! I skipped the raspberry filling and used extra chocolate ganache and topped with fresh raspberries instead.

The rest of January has been consumed with house hunting and after seeing 30-40ish pretty underwhelming houses we were excited to stumble a house we genuinely love. We are thinking about making an offer tonight, its a bit lower than the asking price but we don't think its unreasonable. Hopefully this blog won't be named Life on Minden at some point in the near future. Finding a place also means we need to get on the ball for selling our condo so we spent some of the weekend cleaning up and fixing up little things in our condo. I can't believe how much junk and how many clothes I've bought in the past 3.5 years. I gave away 2 garbage bags of clothes this weekend and a couple items still had tags on them. It made me feel so bad and wasteful! It was also pretty sad to see my itty bitty grad school jeans - I didn't even try to put them on.

I'm hoping for new home, new job and new baby this year! Hopefully 2011 delivers. I figure putting out all your wishes and thinking about them positively is the way to go...at least for now.

Less boring posts to come soon. Thanks again for all the love last month and sorry for my absence.

Life on...

I'm alive and reverbing (late as always)

I have completely let this blog die in the past two months. I have no real excuses, just that I got busy with the usual work and travel cycle. Also just lazy. I haven't even sent poor Katie her giveaway that she won in September (!). I suck. But I have both mascaras with me right now while I'm traveling to Ohio (I've had it for almost 2 months now actually) and I promise to send it before I fly back home to Boston on Friday.

So its almost 2011 and I keep seeing people joining the Reverb challenge. The reverb challenge is an online, annual initiative that has you "reflect on your year, manifest what's next...and to send out reverberations for the year ahead." It seems like a good way to get back into blogging and to be a little more thoughtful about life and 2010. So basically there are 31 prompts (each day in December) that I will be writing about. I've got 8 days to catch up so here we go...

December 1 - One Word: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

2010 = Confused. That seems like a sad word to encapsulate an entire year. I guess in some ways it is but it’s the truth. I’ve been confused about life in general this year and reached an “I’m almost 30”(!) crisis. The big parts in my life I really started to question/wonder about – Marriage/Kids and work.

Marriage is tough and full of compromise. I’ve been married for 2 years now (small beans in the grand scheme of things) and I haven’t been the best spouse. I’ve been selfish, withdrawn and absent at times. Part of this is to blame on my job and it taking me away for a week to two weeks a month. This kind of travel is just not conducive to a healthy, normal life to share with someone. On top of it, I come home exhausted and not really wanting to deal with unpacking, a mountain of laundry, chores and responsibilities. Not to mention making a real, honest and open connection with your husband. On top of that, I can be somewhat withdrawn and in my own head. Although I’m very extroverted, I can be less chatty when it comes to the people I’m really close to. I don’t know if that makes any sense but when I feel like I don’t need to try to open up, I just don’t. I am in my own head a lot and that comes off as secretive and closed. Those two words are not something I want to include as part of my marriage any longer.

We decided to start trying to have kids this year. I wasn’t quite ready but went off birth control in January of 2010, got pregnant right away in February and had a miscarriage by April. I went from not being sure I was ready to have kids, to being pregnant and scared, to being pregnant and excited and to finally being crushed and feeling like less of a woman. I wasn’t ready to share this with many people, much less on my blog (not that there are all that many readers out there). There is enough distance between the miscarriage and now for me to be able to write about it. It was the worst thing I’ve had to grapple with because in some ways I already felt like a mother. It took months for us to get over it and so we didn't start trying again until September/October of this year. It’s been not fruitful thus far which has been incredible disappointing. Its so funny how I spent my life from 2000-early 2010 praying that I didn’t get pregnant. Now I spent the two weeks before my period is supposed to come, absolutely agonizing over how my body feels and willing a baby to be growing inside of me. At least now I feel more ready than ever to have kids which is something I definitely couldn’t have said even a few months ago. I have major baby fever now and hope that we’ll be blessed enough to have kids of our own in 2011.

Work. Reference the travel above in the marriage paragraph. It’s difficult and no longer rewarding (unless you count some sweet airline miles and hotel points). It’s confusing in some ways because my pay is great, I just got promoted and when I interact with clients I am actually very satisfied. But it’s the lifestyle and some of the mindless work that necessitates a shift. Especially given that we want kids and I can’t imagine having a job that would have me traveling while I have young children. When it comes down to asking the question - what is your dream job? – there are crickets in my own head. Seriously I cannot nail down my ideal job description for the life of me. I know I’m not some anomaly and that plenty of people don’t figure out what they want to be when they grow up until they are much older. I do know that I want a job that has heavy interaction with people, no travel/local to Boston and in healthcare. More broadly, I need something that is consistently challenging and pushes me to deeper intellectual and professional pursuits.

2011 = Change. Now that I’ve spent all that time griping, it’s time to make some serious changes in the coming year. I know New Years is all about cliché resolutions about change but I’m going to go ahead and join the masses but hold myself to it. I need to change the way I approach my marriage so I am more open and actively adding and participating in a relationship with my incredible husband. As far as kids, I can’t place that squarely in my lap as something I can change, but I want to try to get myself ready for a kid which means spending less on myself and taking better care of my body. And finally, change jobs and find something that keeps me local, challenged and satisfied.

I'm working on the next 7 reverbs. If you are still reading, thanks for sticking with me. It truly makes me feel lucky to have people who might actually care about what I am thinking, feeling and accomplishing.

I'm alive and reverbing (late as always)

Giveaway winner and my color obsession

Congrats to Katie over at R&T for being my mascara giveaway winner! I'll email you to get your details :)

Also, just stumbled upon this picture and realized how much I'm in love with deep purple. It was one of my main wedding colors and I think the color is so flattering on most skin tones. I would absolutely love to have this sari for two of my newly engaged friend's weddings next year. Oh I'll take her body too.

Sorry for the lame post - work is crazy this week and next week and I think all my creative energy is just gone for now.

Giveaway winner and my color obsession

Giveaway! Bat those eyelashes...

I finally got to my 100th post and I'm doing my very first giveaway/present for one lucky reader! From the votes (thanks Katie and Serena!) I'll be giving away Dior Show Mascara. I also will send along my favorite mascara to date - Maybelline Define-A-Lash Lengthening Mascara because its fantastic and in my opinion actually better than Dior Show.

To enter please make a comment below with your favorite makeup/beauty product by September 24th.

For an extra entry - tweet about it (and let me know that you did in your comment).

Thanks to all of you who read my blog - I really love all my e-friends!

Giveaway! Bat those eyelashes...

Harvest Moon

Thanks to everyone who wished us a happy anniversary yesterday. I wanted to share what I got for my husband for our anniversary. Since the second anniversary gift is traditionally cotton I got this idea to make something on canvas. I used to paint and draw a lot so my initial idea was to paint something to hang over our bed since our walls in our bedroom have absolutely nothing on them. Then I heard our first dance song on one of my playlists and it reminded me of how special and magical our first dance felt dancing under the stars and surrounded by family and friends.

So I contacted the incredible Kelly of Blush !nk (she did my blog design as well and is uber talented) to design a poster with the lyrics to our first dance song. She dealt with my many annoying changes and was able to get this back to me so fast! It was especially impressive since she is a brand new mommy and has an adorable baby. Here's what she came up with and I absolutely love it!

Design by Kelly @ Blush !nk. Sorry for the kinda crappy image - couldn't figure out how to get it to be not so high resolution :)

The actual print hasn't arrived yet from the company I ordered from but I'll post a picture when it does. In addition to this I got him a ton of new boxers and undershirts. I know random but he was in desperate need, he loves practical gifts and it was cotton. :)

I can't recommend Kelly enough for all your design needs. Oh and her blog is one of my favorites so make sure you head over there too...

Harvest Moon

Two years ago...

I married my best friend. Right now its about noon on the west coast and I bet Saddlerock Ranch and the mountains of Malibu are looking just as beautiful (and hot) as they did that day. I can still remember the rush of emotions and how anxious I was about everything. I was overwhelmed with the love and chaos of being surrounded by my closest family and friends. But then I walked down the aisle (the very very long aisle) with my parents on either side, and it all washed away when I saw you beaming at me. Well maybe not all of it washed away, but it certainly diminished. I stopped worrying about the flowers, the heat, our guests and remembered that this day was you and me joining together.

Its been almost 10 years since I've known you. 10 years of us building friendship, love and a life together. We've grown up together and so many of my life defining moments have and will occur with you by my side.

This year has certainly been for better and for worse. We've had many moments of sheer joy, happiness, contentment and that incredible comfortable feeling of knowing that your spouse is now your family. No matter what, they stick by you and there is something so gratifying and safe about that feeling that I would never trade for the butterflies in my stomach I had when I first met you. We've also lost so significantly in this year, have had many to the brink moments where I thought we may never return to normal. But we always do.

I can't thank you enough for being so supportive of me. For pushing me to be a better person and for challenging me to do better every day. You always pick me up and trust me I know there are many of those days when I come home from work cranky, change right into a giant t-shirt and sweats, plop on the couch and pick a fight. Even if I can't be cheered up, you know when to leave me alone and let me do my thing. There are so many days that I take you for granted and so today when I stop to really think about you and us, my heart really fills up with love, my eyes fill with tears and I feel as though I am going to explode.

Especially when we can go from this...

To this (wha wha! haha)...

I am so content to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my lobster and I will always love you.

P.S. - You still do give me butterflies...

Two years ago...

I am a Shopping Addict

I have a shopping obsession. No matter how many shoes and clothes I have, I am never satisfied.

I go through this cycle of wanting, buying, feeling immediate guilt, using my new stuff and feeling happy and then repeat. I forget that I felt guilty and that I *just* bought a bunch of stuff and instantly want more. I'm such a consumer whore. For example, we went to Paris in June and we spent a ton of money on travel, food and shopping. Before we went, I went crazy shopping to prepare for Paris. I swore to my husband that I wouldn't buy anything for two months and eventually caved in a month later and broke my promise.

I think I learned this constant shopping habit from my Mom who is the ultimate shopper. She will travel to remote places with my Dad and still manage to take him on a 12 hour shopping trip in a remote village. I can't blame her though and regardless I need to get myself under control. I get especially tempted in the blogging world where all the fashion bloggers are showing off their new wardrobes, putting up links and being annoyingly cute in their 4" platforms and miniskirts that would never be work appropriate for me.

Any suggestions on how to kick the shopping habit? I'm debating deleting all my shopping (gilt, hautelook, ruelala) emails, not visiting fashion blogs and leaving my credit cards at home when I shop.

I know this is a random post. I'm swamped at work but then I remembered that I promised a giveaway and I'm only 2 posts from 100. So close! So I will be posting more this week I promise.

I am a Shopping Addict

love the way you lie

I really like Eminem's music. He is an incredible rapper but I do recognize that his lyrics, points of view and just him in general are very questionable.

That being said, his new album is his best (although his first was pretty amazing too). I'm loving the song "Love the Way you Lie" (ft. Rihanna) which is popular on the radio. Also check out "No Love" (ft. Lil Wayne), "Won't Back Down" (ft. Pink), and "On Fire".

The video for Love the Way you Lie was recently released and its really intense, violent and raw - just like the song. It features Megan Fox (who seems too pretty for the role) and Dominic Monaghan (Charlie from Lost) which are kinda random characters.

Maybe Eminem has changed his ways since he sobered up? Also I'm weird and obsessed with SYTYCD and definitely think a choreographed routine to this song would be amazing (Nappytabs style).

love the way you lie