Two years ago...

I married my best friend. Right now its about noon on the west coast and I bet Saddlerock Ranch and the mountains of Malibu are looking just as beautiful (and hot) as they did that day. I can still remember the rush of emotions and how anxious I was about everything. I was overwhelmed with the love and chaos of being surrounded by my closest family and friends. But then I walked down the aisle (the very very long aisle) with my parents on either side, and it all washed away when I saw you beaming at me. Well maybe not all of it washed away, but it certainly diminished. I stopped worrying about the flowers, the heat, our guests and remembered that this day was you and me joining together.

Its been almost 10 years since I've known you. 10 years of us building friendship, love and a life together. We've grown up together and so many of my life defining moments have and will occur with you by my side.

This year has certainly been for better and for worse. We've had many moments of sheer joy, happiness, contentment and that incredible comfortable feeling of knowing that your spouse is now your family. No matter what, they stick by you and there is something so gratifying and safe about that feeling that I would never trade for the butterflies in my stomach I had when I first met you. We've also lost so significantly in this year, have had many to the brink moments where I thought we may never return to normal. But we always do.

I can't thank you enough for being so supportive of me. For pushing me to be a better person and for challenging me to do better every day. You always pick me up and trust me I know there are many of those days when I come home from work cranky, change right into a giant t-shirt and sweats, plop on the couch and pick a fight. Even if I can't be cheered up, you know when to leave me alone and let me do my thing. There are so many days that I take you for granted and so today when I stop to really think about you and us, my heart really fills up with love, my eyes fill with tears and I feel as though I am going to explode.

Especially when we can go from this...

To this (wha wha! haha)...

I am so content to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my lobster and I will always love you.

P.S. - You still do give me butterflies...

Two years ago...

whenever i'm alone with you

I was driving to the airport today and rocking out to my radio when I could hear the start of The Cure's Lovesong. Right before the song was about to play, the radio DJ said that once in an interview they asked Robert Smith the question "if you could relive any moment in time, which one would it be?". His answer was "My first dance with Mary." God that just melted my heart. He's been married to his childhood sweetheart, Mary Poole, for over twenty years now.* And Lovesong was written for/about her...

image via Le Love via Kitty Kleyn

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

*Before you think I'm all crazy and obsessed, I didn't know any of that background information (wife's name, etc) but wikipedia did. I super suck at remembering who sang anything most of the time...

whenever i'm alone with you

how do you love?

I'm reading Eat Pray Love and stumbled across this paragraph the other night that really caught my attention. I think it sums up a lot of who I am and how I love. Its not me perfectly, but I can definitely relate to it.

"I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain. I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." - Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert

I definitely have boundary issues. I definitely can find myself giving too much. I did this with my now husband back when we were in college. It was a very tumultuous and crazy time for us. Now I think I am so scared of being that way again, that I overcompensate by being too selfish sometimes.

How do you love?

how do you love?