how do you love?

I'm reading Eat Pray Love and stumbled across this paragraph the other night that really caught my attention. I think it sums up a lot of who I am and how I love. Its not me perfectly, but I can definitely relate to it.

"I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain. I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." - Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert

I definitely have boundary issues. I definitely can find myself giving too much. I did this with my now husband back when we were in college. It was a very tumultuous and crazy time for us. Now I think I am so scared of being that way again, that I overcompensate by being too selfish sometimes.

How do you love?

how do you love?

Mini Book Review: In the Woods

I'm a book worm and I wish that my friends and family would recommend their favorite books to me. I do read a lot but I warn you a lot of my books I pick up at the airport since I travel so much for work. I can't help it, sometimes I have to indulge in some mindless nonsense to make the 6 hr flight to California seem shorter.

In the Woods by Irish author Tana French had me so hooked I couldn't put it down and finished it in two days on my last trip out to California. The book is based in Ireland and is a fiction crime/psychological thriller. Here's a little synopsis on the book courtesy of Amazon:

"When Katy Devlin, a 12-year-old girl from Knocknaree, a Dublin suburb, is found murdered at a local archeological dig, Det. Rob Ryan and his partner, Cassie Maddox, must probe deep into the victim's troubled family history. There are chilling similarities between the Devlin murder and the disappearance 20 years before of two children from the same neighborhood who were Ryan's best friends. Only Maddox knows Ryan was involved in the 1984 case. The plot climaxes with a taut interrogation by Maddox of a potential suspect, and the reader is floored by the eventual identity and motives of the killer."

Aside from the crime/mystery part of the novel is the story of the relationship between the two detectives. It's written from the male detective's perspective and provides a detailed picture of the character's thoughts and inner workings. I was actually shocked when I realized that this novel was written by a female author because she created such a believable male voice. I truly believe this is hard to accomplish and the only other author I can remember capturing the opposite sex accurately is Wally Lamb in his novel She's Come Undone. The characters are very well developed, their relationships are complex and messy.

I give it a thumbs up and would definitely recommend picking it up.

Has anyone out there already read it? Agree or disagree with my review?

Mini Book Review: In the Woods

God of War

I stayed up last night to finish reading God of War by Marisa Silver. It is a very beautifull written book - the kind that makes you feel exactly what the characters are feeling. The book is about a young boy who lives in the desert of California and how he struggles with growing up, responsibility to his family and his mentally ill brother. It left me feeling sad and very introspective about my own life and my siblings and parents.

I have three brothers and we have all become such different people with such different stories to be told. My oldest brother is almost a decade older than me. He left for college when I was only 8 years old so when I think back to my childhood he is this sort of distant figure that I idolized. He was much more like a father figure through my teen years, but as I get older the age gap is closing and we are on walking on the same level. He is the definition of the perfect son. He is a surgeon who makes a comfortable living for his wife and four children. He is the family rock, the go to person to deal with our many family crises. I used to almost resent his perfection because I felt I could never live up to it. Lately, I realize that he is burdened with a lot of responsibility that I do not envy.

Following perfection, is my brother who is dynamic, charismatic and very unpredicatable. His addictive personality led to problems with drugs which caused much turmoil for our family. He has recently turned his life around in the past two to three years and I admire his strength as he pushes through his daily struggles in the aftermath of his addiction. Especially in today's economic times, he is struggling without a bachelors degree and his past issues.

God of War